The Untold Story of Relena Peacecraft
by Tinner Cooly
Summary: It's the cold hard untold truth of Relena Peacecraft and what she really thinks of her beloved idiot Heero
1. Part Uno

It's really hard you know! People like to talk a lot of crap about me, but let me make things clear why I do the things I do.

See, Heero says he's going to kill me all the time, and i provoke him by saying "Heero, kill me!" because I know he can't. I mean, the boy has a great ass in those spandex, but he's not right in the head, you know what I mean? I feel I give him a reason to live on with his pathetic life if it means him contemplating my death.

Do I seem a bit pissed off towards him? Yes, yes I am! If anyone was paying attention they would realize how far I stuck my neck out for him. Like that time I invited him to my party and he tore the invitation in my face, in front of my friends...Son of deep breath and by the end of the night it was me standing between him and a bullet, but the ass still got shot!

The engine is running, but Lord almighty, there's no one behind the wheel. Oh yeah, raise your hand if you understand the hand thing. You know the one I'm talking about, where he puts his hand in front of his face as if he were trying to be like sailor moon or something! It's like ,hello, I can still see your face, you are one like a foot away from me!

But all in all, I do love him, despite the fact he treats me like crap and he's always making mistakes, mostly common ones.

Doctor comes in

-Relena, Heero doesn't exist. He's all in your mind.

No! No! He's real, it's just he changes identities all the time, l-look up Duo Maxwell! You'll see!

-Relena, please I don't want to send you back to the shock therapy, but you're leaving me with no choice.

Nooooooooo!

-Take her away please

My God! That's Heero! It's him Doctor! It's him!

-Dear sweet Relena, there is no Heero, this is Mr. Winner he just started today.

Nooooooooooooooooo!


	2. Part Duex

Part Duex

Another thing that has people yapping about me is how I dress. People, the dorky school attire is a school code thing, and my birthday dress was made by some famous Euro trash fashion designer. So for all of you who thought it was stupid and tacky you can go screw yourself because it cost more than you'll probably make in your life.

That's right, call me a bitch. I'm tired of acting like a goody goody all the time. I'm letting my bad self out baby and it feels good! You know what it feels like to get kidnapped by a little red headed brat? She treated me like a cheap whore, telling me to shut up all the time! I got her good though later when I slapped her silly. That's how things gotta be, grab things by the gonads.

I have to admit along the way of my life I have slowly been losing my mind, I mean so much had happened to me. Like when lady Une killed my so called father. I can't believe I was holding a bomb! A bomb! Than she threw it to where he was and he died, I hate myself for missing that shot when I came up in that banquet to bust a cap in her ass.

Can you imagine finding out your whole life is basically a lie? It looked like I took it pretty well, but inside I didn't. My real father looked like he was trying too hard to look like God...I think he wanted to _be _God. He had a kingdom, who the hell has a kingdom anymore? And my brother, jeez. He has a real thing with image, he reminds me of Michael Jackson, I swear! Like the first time I saw him he had these little curls in the back and huge sunglasses (btw it was nighttime) and white gloves on...yeah. Then he lets his hair grow out, which is ok people mistake us for twins, but what's with the mask...didn't Michael Jackson,too, wear a mask?

(Doctor comes in again )

-Relena, you have so much pent up aggressiveness

Screw you, man! Weren't you listening to anything I was saying?

-sighs would you like to tell me about...Heero?

Oh, now you believe me right? What did he do? Blow up a hospital mistaking it for a launch site? Typical of him you know?

-Relena, what is about Heero that has you so fixated on him?

Have you ever seen a guy jump head first out of building without pulling the cord to his chute and live? That's hot.( hisses and laughs manically)


	3. Fin

Fin

The Doctor and I had a lot of sessions over time and the most recent ones have been about handling my obsession with What's-his-face. I feel I have progressed greatly in dealing with my issues and if it were not for the Doctor's help I would still be foolishly spending thousands of dollars going around the world searching for him and risking my life. Like the time I went all the way to Antarctica during a Gundam fight between my brother and Hee—That guy. I could have died coming between those two, but oh my how that seems ages ago. Yes, I have come a long way and I can't wait to start my life anew.

-Fantastic Relena!

Thank you Doctor, these video dairies was a wonderful idea.

-I am truly impressed, we'll give you some time to pack your things. We really will miss you

And I you Doctor….And I you.

(Doctor exist)

Oh my friggin' GOD! Heero! Heero! Heero! Heero! Heero! Heero! Heero! Heero! Heero! Heero! Heero! **Heero! Heero! Heero! Heero! Heero! Heero! Heero! Heero! Heero! Heero! Heero! HEERO! COME AND KILL ME!**

I need a beer or something! I thought I was going to explode (eyes twitches and takes out a teddy bear) Still smells like the sweet scent of his muscular muscle…ness! ( Hugs the teddy bear and slowly and disturbingly starts frenching the it) Take me now Heero! Oh Take me now! (Unbuttoning blouse)

-AHEM!

……..It's not…

-Oh but it is Relena…It Is! I don't say this to a lot of my patients….But you are one crazy bitch! How long has this been going on?

W-what?

-Degradingly pleasuring yourself with a child's toy!

I …I …Alright! Back up! It's a bomb!

(husky hermaphrodite nurse tackles her from behind)

-Nurse I want you to strap her into the tightest straight jacket there is!

-Yez zir I will help zee girl into a very tight straight jacket carezzing her every curvez

What the Fu—

-You aren't the only one with obsession, is she Helga?

-No zir (smelling relena's hair)


End file.
